I posted on Facebook last night asking for help finding a place to live due to our unique circumstances and family size. A family member was the first to respond. It was a rude, hurtful, and demeaning comment in connection with recent events in our family and really had nothing to do with offering solutions to finding a home. I immediately deleted it and posted this instead.
His Response:
"I don't want to be mean to you. I really don't. All I have to say is some things are not forgivable. I hope you come to terms with reality some day."
Well you know what, here is me coming to "terms" with reality.
come to terms with
phrase of term
- 1.come to accept (a new and painful or difficult event or situation); reconcile oneself to."she had come to terms with the tragedies in her life"
synonyms: accept, come to accept, reconcile oneself to, learn to live with, become resigned to, make the best of;
face up to"she eventually came to terms with her situation"
Reality. Such an interesting word. What does it mean? Well let me define it according to google:
re·al·i·ty
rēˈalədē/
noun
- 2.the state or quality of having existence or substance."youth, when death has no reality"
Okay. Reflect with me on each of these definitions.What are the state of things as they actually exist in my life? Let me enlighten you.
I am a mother of 8 children. I am responsible for their physical, emotional/mental, and spiritual well being. That means I have to make sure they have underwear, socks, shoes, appropriate clothes for the weather, a roof over their heads, food to put in their bellies, a good education; you get the picture. And somehow between their birth and when they turn 18 I am responsible to teach them how to provide these things for themselves. For their emotional/mental well being I have to understand the unique personality of each child so I am able to help each child understand their emotional/mental strengths and weakness and teach healthy ways to deal with the emotional/mental challenges of life so that they don't have to turn to drugs and alcohol to cope. This has been no walk in the park thus far since each of my children are extremely advanced intellectually and way behind in their emotional development. Spiritually, I am responsible for instilling good principles in my children, teach them right for wrong so they can grow up with a moral compass and become a contributing adult to make a positive difference wherever life may take them.
To add to this, I am also a wife, friend, daughter, sister, and neighbor. With each of these comes many more responsibilities that I juggle on a regular basis. Last but not least, I have the responsibility to take care of myself and my own happiness. No one can or will do it for me.
Now how about definition 2. Does my life have quality of existence or substance?
Duh! I may have many responsibilities and stresses, but my life is filled with children's laughter, excitement, wonderment and delight. I have deep, meaningful relationships with friends, family, neighbors, and my husband.
I don't have time or desire to dwell on things I cannot change. My life and heart is so full of substance and quality that I don't have room in my life or heart for pain and bitterness. When bad, painful, heart retching things happen, I cry, I talk to those I have meaningful relationships with, I redefine my life, I forgive, and move on. Just as I'm doing now. I've cried about the pain created when in a time of need, I was slapped in the face by a rude, hurtful, and demeaning comment, I've now discussed it here, I've redefined and realize that dwelling on this matter isn't adding to my quality of life, I've forgiven, and now I'm moving on.
You know what? Maybe I'm not the one who needs to come to terms with reality!
